i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
