All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
