I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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