this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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