You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
