Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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