So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
