Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
