Someone shit on the floor
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
