TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
