I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
