Yo dont text me then not text me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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