apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
