there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
