wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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