umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
