Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
