i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She needs sedatives and a leash
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, donβt meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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