You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
