And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
