Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
