Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
