I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can you bring me the toilet please
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
