i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
