i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
