i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Randomize
