____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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