So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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