i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
