i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
