fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
