If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
