If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Let's paint friendship bongs
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
