Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
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