Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
