I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
