You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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