Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
