my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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