She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
