Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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