There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Randomize
