clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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