no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
