Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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