And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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