Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
