So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
