They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
