Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Randomize
