She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
