He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
