No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
