Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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